How To Survive January and Douchebags

How To Survive January and Douchebags


Everywhere you go, whoever you talk to. It’s all about the fucking Diets. Dry January, new year new me blah blah blah.

“I am on this new detox clense.” That’s great Susan,  ill see you shaking in the corner of the office tomorrow. Or covered in chocolate the day after.

When I hear the detox talk from perfectly healthy people, I literally just hear “I am spending money on society’s notion that I should be smaller in order to have more worth and beauty”

If people want to diet, they can crack on. I am all for people doing whatever works for them. It is just when they bang on about it all dam day. Nobody wants to be friends with Susan from weight watchers who eats dust.

Living with an Eating Disorder in January, is fucking exhausting. Colleagues, friends, news, social media, all of it is constant. And it’s so hard not to get sucked into it all. I can feel it trying to seduce me like a cheap whore.

Exercise was my coping mechanism, my escape from dealing with emotions and reality. So giving it up was the hardest thing I have ever done. And now I get to listen to other people talking about it ALL THE TIME, just because it’s January. Just because society is making us all feel bad for “indulging” over Christmas.

So, if like me, you want to punch everyone, this might help:

  • Tell your friends and family you’re struggling, they might not understand, but if they love you then they will limit their diet talk around you. Or find friends who talk about more interesting things than calories.
  • If you get stuck next to Susan at work, talking about how carbs are the devil, just walk away. It’s not rude, you can’t help it if she’s boring. Your mental health is more important.
  • Write down a list of your motivations for recovery (I want to stamp mine on my forehead)
  • Unfollow all fitness and diet influencers. In fact, unfollowing anyone or anything that doesn’t make you laugh, feel happy or inspired.
  • Talk to someone who gets it. That it one thing that social media IS good for. Message me, I can be nice.
  • Watch The Greatest Showman. Not into Musicals? Just watch it.
  • Remind yourself that it won’t last long. It’s a month, it will pass and then everyone will waste their money on Valentine’s day.
  • Remember to do the opposite of what society is telling you, eat the junk, gain the weight- FOOD IS MEDICINE


Dry January- Why its bullshit

There’s no proof or evidence that it actually does you any good.

You could try drinking a bit less in general, you don’t have to go cold turkey for the sake of joining the other sheep doing it.

A month won’t make much difference to your liver if you’re a big drinker. If you’re a modest tippler, a few days recovery is all your liver needs.

A month isn’t long enough to change your drinking habits. The idea of a dry January is to help us rethink our drinking. But, according to research by the psychology department at UCL, it takes an average 66 days to form a new habit.

This is the only dry you need in your life:

DRY gin

DRY cider

DRY martini

DRY white wine

Why January isn’t the time for diets

If you’re anything like me, you’re missing Christmas. January is just a sad month. It’s cold and grey, I just want to hide under my blanket eating cookies and watching Netflix. It can be weeks before we actually see the sun. So we need something to cheer us up. I’m pretty sure nobody gets excited about soup.

I remember this time last year, sitting at home trying to force myself to go for a run, its freezing cold, I open my scary credit card bill, at least I can look forward to my chicken salad later. No. Fuck that. This year I am making beef and ale casserole and sitting in the warm.

One of the best things about Christmas- the left overs. The cheese, the gammon, the chocolates, you cannot throw that stuff away! Not to mention the after Christmas sales, where the best chocolates and gifts are half the price!

Another reason, a lot of diets cost money. Because the weight loss industry loves to tell us we NEED to lose weight (they need the money). Save your pennies and go for a dam walk, be more active, eat more vegetables, whatever suits YOU.

Remember, being obsessed with health doesn’t make you healthy, it just makes you obsessed.

You are in charge of your life, dont make excuses about those douche bags around you. YOU have the choice to recover to be a happier healthier person.

 Who cares what everyone else is doing!?

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