When you are so hungry, that your lack of food causes you to become angry, frustrated:
A HUMAN BALL OF EMOTIONAL FURY.
So I wanted to write a little bit about something I have experienced during Orthorexia.
It’s a feeling of anger for no logical reason. I like to call it, ED rage. Or Apple crumble rage, as that was my most recent one. It is a nasty little side effect that I try to keep to myself.
It’s basically a hangry rage and occurs because of one of the following reasons:
- The food that I am about to eat isn’t perfect enough
- The food that I want, isn’t available
I’m not talking just a little frustration, it used to be a serious rage. I guess it doesn’t help when you are a perfectionist. Here are some examples:
I went out for dinner with a friend, after a lovely steak dinner, we venture to my favourite pudding shop to get their delicious cookie dough that I had previously seen advertised on Instagram. I had been thinking about said cookie dough alllll dam day and even messaged them to check they still had it on the menu. I had a smaller dinner so that I had enough space for the warm gooey pot of heaven. (I was still restricting at this time which was very wrong!) We deliberately didn’t have pudding at the restaurant, just so I could get this Cookie Dough. So we go over to the pudding shop. We sit down, take a look at the menu and guess what. They don’t have any cookie dough. I said to the waitress, “No no I messaged before and they said you have it.”
The waitress looked at me with no clue what I was talking about. The ED rage erupted and wanted to punch that waitress in the face. How could she do this to me? Why would you promise me cookie dough and just suddenly not have any. I honestly felt like I was just told my pet had been run over. It’s a really horrible feeling, the ED is angry because it can’t have the thing it has been craving.
Why would I get so angry over such stupid little things?
I realise now, that I was angry because I was FUCKING HUNGRY. My body was starved. Just like in the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, the reactions to lack of fuel and nutrients can be ridiculous. A malnourished brain is a profoundly malfunctioning organ, it DOESN’T WORK PROPERLY WHEN WE ARE STARVED. This is just the effect of starvation – it affects our physical AND mental health. My brain was desperate for that cookie dough because I had convinced it how amazing it would be. I also had that “It’s worth the calories” attitude which didn’t help.
So to my family and friends…I am sorry if I unleashed my ugly hangry rath upon you.
And for future reference, this is why your friend/partner will become moody during their diet. There is only one cure for this…
GIVE THEM SOME CAKE AND REMIND THEM THAT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN BEING HEALTHY.